The simple art of not being miserable

The simple art of not being miserableThe simple art of not being miserableInHerman HessesnovelSiddhartha,the title character and his friend leave home,disowningall possessions, to seek spiritualenlightenment.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moraThey decide to live on the road, homeless,jurneyingawayfromthe known towards theunknown.Its not a life of ease, but it is one they embrace.Whentheyarehungry, they fast.When they are unoccupied, they meditate.When they are looking for answers, they wait.And as they move from place to place, they get mora and morefixated on their goal.Eventually, however, they separate - it occurs due to their meeting with the Buddha himself.After hearing the legends about theEnlightenedOne and then seeking him out, they are both impressed with his calmpoiseand the simple profundity of his teachings.The friend, Govinda, stays behind to become his student, while Siddhartha - although appreciating what he has learned - decides to continue on a more individualistic pursuit.This pursuit takes him through both space and time He settles down in a city, falls for a woman, and over theyears, becomes a successful businessman. This, of curse, doesnt fulfill him either, so he leaves. His next stop, his final stop, is a small home by a river where he lives with a ferryman.The ferryman is a simple, quiet man, but hepossesses anunspokenwisdom thatentrancesanyone who meets him.Living in his presence, aftermany more years of unrest and suffering from all the seeking, Siddhartha eventually, in a sudden moment, finds himself at peace.At the end of his life, Govinda, who is totenstill searching for enlightenment, hears about an older ferryman who people whisper has the answer.This ferryman is Siddhartha,who has now taken over fromhis oldmentorat the river.When Govinda tells him that he is still a seeker, his oldfriend - right before the book ends - share s what it is that he has learned after all these yearsWhensomeone seeks, said Siddhartha,then it easily happens thathis eyes see only the thing that he seeks, and he is able to find nothing, to take in nothing becausehe always thinks only about the thingheis seeking, because he has one goal, because he is obsessed withhisgoal.Seekingmeans having a goal.Butfinding means being free, being open, having no goal.The Problematic Zone ofFixationThe story ofSiddharthaand his friend is set in a world far different from the one we occupy.Its asimplerworld, one with fewer forces swaying minds.Their quest, too, is not theunhealthiestone you can pursue.Aspiring towardsfulfillmentis, generally speaking, far better than many of the things that occupy our desires in modernity - think money, status, and pleasure.The core problem, though, is the same.Its the root of allself-inflicted misery.Happiness - or more accurately,a lack of unhappiness - isa product of the relationship that exists between o ursubjectiveexpectationsand the objective reality.Overthe long-term,a feeling of peaceful contentmentcomes down to the objective reality giving us more than our subjectiveexpectations.Weall have some influence on what this reality has to offer,but ultimately, many things are out of our control.The only solution, then, istoadjust our expectations bymanaging our personal desires.Insome spiritual traditions,like Buddhism,the answer - broadlyspeaking - istominimize,and if possible,eliminate desire.Not just the desire of vices, but also thedesirethat leads to the unending process of seekingthat both Siddhartha and Govinda spent their livesinpursuit of.Unfortunately,the likelihood that the average person will forgo desire and find enlightenment is a small one.That said,what anyone can learn to do - which isa healthystepin the right direction - is toexpand their zone of fixation.We all have things we want, and we all have things welookto achieve.But many of these things arefar more neg otiable than we make them.Sure, making more money may make your life better off, and of course, winning that prize or capturing the praise of someone you admire can be life-affirming,but ifthere is a world of people who can live completely in peace without these things - and there almost always is, no matter what it is you desire - the chances are that you can,too.When we desire something, wefixateon it.We commit ourtime and our mental energy, and in the process,we develop aone-sided obsessionthatleads tomiseryanytimereality doesnt correspond.This is as true of the desire to be more self-confidentas itis of seeking a specific pleasure.The only way not to fall into this trap is toexpand the zone of your fixationwhen the time arises.Itstoloosen the definition of your desiresso that they can accommodate the feedback given by the objective reality.And thats only possible if youre willing tostep back andlet go.To zoom out and adjust your subjective expectationis tobe free ofaffliction. BetterQuestions, BetterLifeOne reason we fixate on thingsandthen have a hard time letting go is that we start off on the wrong footWe begin by asking the wrong questions.Almost everything that motivates you to take action starts with a question, whether you realize it or not.The simple reason is thatbefore you desire an answer, you have tofirst define what you are looking for.Most things we seek come fromborrowedideas.Depending on the culturewe grow up in, we aremolded by socioeconomic forces that shape our mindbefore we arematureenough to know better.By the timewe grow up, many of these ideas are so deeplyembeddedinto us that we dont even realize it.The question ofmeaning, for example, is one such case. In the cowboyfilm world, we are growing increasingly secular.Religionis on the decline.You may see that as good or bad, but either way, that opens up a questionWhat is the meaning of life?What, in fact, is meaningful at all? Why?In a predominantly religious environment, the answer t o these questions is so obviousthateven if they occupy your mind from time to time,they dont reallycausemisery because your existing belief gives you an answer.In a secular environment,however,these questions lead many into a spiral ofnihilism, the belief that nothingmatters.Thisfixation, then, more often than not, causes a lot ofundue pain.Now,here is a third approach as formulatedbyAlan WattsIftheuniverseis meaningless, so is the statement that it is soThe meaning and purpose of dancing is thedance.By redefining the context, as shaped by the expression of thequestion, we completely negate a problem, which in this case is the eignung pain of living in a meaningless world.As Watts implies,who are youto fixate on meaning in a world that is simply just here?A world that you dont even understand?Maybe the frame youre looking through is the wrong one.Maybe your brain isnt even capable of asking the right question.Questions create context context defines boundaries boundaries determine f ixationfixation, then, limits or enhances your subjective ability to live in a way that either invites or repels misery.The solution to most problems isnt to fight them,buttoask betterquestions.The TakeawayBoth Siddhartha and Govindaspent their whole lives seeking enlightenment,butitwasnt untilthey simply stopped looking that they found it.The question they had fixated on was the wrong one, and their inability to consider the possibility that theymay have to rethink their initial premiseforced them through a path filled with years and years of the wrong answers.Humans are biologically programmed to desire things.Its encoded in the survival machine that we refer to as our body.This process of desiring, however, leads toanarrow zone of fixation that stops us from experiencing realityin a way that is conducive to avoiding misery.To fight this,we havetodevelop the flexibility toreshape the content of these desiresas we obtain more and more information from the objective world.We have to learn tolet go of the incompatiblesubjectiveexpectations that we rigidly anchor to realityso that we canrecastnew ones in a more suitable direction,slowly getting away from the seeking to the finding.It takes a lot of work, and even more courage,to look at yourself and decide that maybe its time you saw things from a different angle, with a different question,but itspreciselythis kind of work that is rewarded.Avoiding misery isnt easy, but it is simple.Its on you to take the right steps.This article first appeared on Design Luck.

10 Things Every Job Seeker Should Know Before Starting Their Search

10 Things Every Job Seeker Should Know Before Starting Their Search10 Things Every Job Seeker Should Know Before Starting Their Search10 Things Every Job Seeker Should Know Before Starting Their SearchStart your job search off on the right foot. Heres what you need to know. Job seeking is never fun, of course, but a well-prepared job seeker is mora likely to find the process less stressful. Looking for work is not a science and there are many factors that come into play, but in conducting a job search in todays current fruchtmarket, there are a number of things that everyone will be happier to know from the outset.1. Use your network.Lets start with something that may be out of your control. mora and more positions are being filled without being advertised. You would have a hard time conducting a job search now without hearing about networking and how important it is, and thats especially true in the market as it stands. A referral is more likely to get the position, simply because H R staff are busy and why not hire someone who already has an advocate within the company? Since informal hiring is happening on a greater scale, if youre currently looking for work, remember that you are always looking for work. That 4th of July cookout? Perhaps your volleyball teammate knows of an opening that would fit your skill set. Dont focus only on the old ways of looking for a job get out, get to know people, and treat every interaction as a potential opportunity2. Clean up your act on social media.Companies often Google search a candidate before hiring, and social media can be an immediate red flag. Before starting your job hunt, clean up your Facebook Many people respond to this advice defensively, feeling that its Orwellian to have your actions monitored even on social media, but the truth is, once its out there, its hard to remove it. Review your privacy settings and if its questionable, maybe leave it off the Internet.3. You are going to need a strong resume.Standards for resumes change all the time and just because it worked three or ten years ago doesnt mean your resume will work now. Since a vast majority of positions that do make it out to job boards will be using online applications, the look of your resume matters far less than the content. It certainly should still be attractive and easy to read, but color and artistic flair are just going to confuse the computer screens. In fact, some of the ATS software doesnt read serif fonts at all, so your amazing career background is not even reaching a part just because your font isnt one the computer recognizes. Keep your resume simple Content is key in the digital age, not the visual bells and whistles.4. Be mindful of the ATS.In continuing with the resume theme, another element that will impact how likely your resume is to get past the software is your use of keywords. When advice columns tell you to utilize keywords or to read the posting, they mean it If the ad states you need experience with x , y, and z, then be sure X, Y, and Z are on your resume if you have that experience It may be more work, yes, but sending out a resume to be rejected by a robot isnt an effective use of your time, either.5. Focus on your accomplishments.Another resume tip If you are applying for a position as a nurse or as a sales manager, we all have a basic understanding of your job description. Sending in a resume with a generic list of nursing or sales responsibilities isnt going to make you stand out. Why are you the perfect nurse? What makes you different from the other 200 sales managers applying for the position? The answer is simple accomplishments. Did you create a new training module for new nurses on HIPAA compliance? welches your sales team the first to tap into that challenging market? These are the key points to focus on in your resume. While the job description details can hit the keywords, they should not be the meat of your resume. What makes John Smith different from Joe Jones? Jo hn was the first sales manager in the region to secure a contract with Google. Thats worth noting6. Get a feel for the company during the interview.So youve gotten your resume updated and its working. You started getting interview calls The first interview you go on if youve been out of the job hunt for a while may feel very different. First of all, you may be expecting to go in and meet with one person, only to be greeted by an entire department. Team interviews are more common because its not just about the job. Its also not about how you do with one person, but how you fit with the team. Work is collaborative, so why would interviews not be? This can take some getting used to, but remember, no matter how badly you want or need this job, if you dont feel comfortable with the interview team, do you really want to work there long-term?7. Be patient post-interview.The interview is done. Theyll call in a week, right? Very likely, they will not. Not only will it take a while to hear ba ck if you do but the interview process takes longer than it used to take. If you go into the interview thinking that will be it, you may be surprised when they tell you the next step is another interview and then there are three or four more steps. In fact, companies are often now having candidates and finalists come in for trial periods. Sometimes its an hour and sometimes its a full day of shadowing. It may feel time-consuming, but in the end, the goal is that you have found something you will be able to do for a while, and the company has found someone who will want to stick around.8. Keep an open mind.The hard truth is that this is a terrible job market for job seekers. The salaries are lower in general and more positions are being reduced to freelance or part-time. The work you have always loved may not have the saatkorn title and may be shared by a team now. Instead of viewing this as a negative, though, consider the opportunities. Maybe you like sales, but always wanted to do some consulting. With the market as it is, you may be working harder, but you will also be able to open yourself up to new things. And new things bring new skills and connections. The lower salary is an adjustment, but less hours means volunteer work or pursuing that entrepreneurial idea youve had. In the end, that may be a blessing.9. Keep it all in perspective.Another difficult reality is that this means its even more competitive. Its not unheard of to show up for an interview and realize youre interviewing with other candidates for the same job. You may think you are one of five who was called for an interview, only to discover they are interviewing 100 people out of 500 applicants. Keep it all in perspective, but again, chances are if you dont get the job, another position just opened when the candidate they selected left their position for this one.10. Its not personal.The final thing its helpful to know, and probably the most important, is that its not personal. Its very hard not to get discouraged. You may go on hundreds of interviews, send out thousands of resumes, and still be waiting for that call. Friends and family will offer advice and say things like, The right job will come along, but it is hard to believe it sometimes. Youre not alone and the truth is that it only takes one. For every rejection, remember its just not the right fit. Its not you. Someone suggested keeping a tally every application or every interview thats a no, mark it down. When you reach 100, start over, but chances are, as much as it may seem endless, its unlikely you will reach 100 without an offer. It will feel like its inevitable, but the job is out there. Somewhere a hiring manager is looking for someone just like you. Jobs arent that different from dating, though, and all those frogs you have to kiss? Theyre the interviews that dont pan out for whatever reason. This is the hardest piece of advice to believe, but its imperative because some days, it does seem like t heres no end. If it gets really hopeless, allow yourself a day off from the search to do something that makes you happy. Then dust yourself off and get back out there.Want to see how your resume stacks up? Try out our free critique todayRelated Articles

The simple approach to powerful networking conversations

The simple approach to powerful networking conversationsThe simple approach to powerful networking conversationsEditors note This article was originallypublished in 2016.Much has been said about the life and legacy of Muhammad Ali, the boxer, activist and global icon who passed away this past week at 74 from apparent natural causes.Im sure you saw or read countless stories about the people Ali impacted on virtually every continent. Of all the well wishes and memorializing, one line stood out to me the most. Forgive me, though, because I cant track down the news link to prove its veracity. But the line appeared in a CBS news story the day after Alis death.The person said, When Ali spoke to you, he made it seem as if you were the only one in the room.zugreifbar evidence or not, I think we can agree. That sentence above sure sounds like Muhammad Ali.**Rhyme scheme in deference to the man who could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee.Innately, Ali understood the power of one-on-o ne conversation and how to build relationships. Like him, the best networkers in geschftsleben recognize that to earn someones respect, you have to give your full attention.Heres a scenario. Youre at a networking session through your local Chamber of Commerce. You find yourself face to face with a small business owner named Paul, and right away you can tell its not going to be the most scintillating conversation. Beyond that, you see other people in the room with mora clout and influence, and youd much rather talk with them.But right now, youre engaged in discussion with Paul. Channeling Muhammad Ali, you stay in the moment, face Paul directly, look him in the eyes, listen to his every word and try your best to create conversation (these six questions will help). You dont glance around the room or start messing on your phone.Your actions, then, make a small business owner feel like an industry tycoon.And like Ali, you have now made Paul feel like hes the only one in the room - no o ne else matters.No, you arent under obligation to talk with Paul the entire time. After several minutes, you have the right to say great meeting to you and then go to the bar for another drink. Ali met a lot of strangers in his life, but at some point, the conversation had to end.But the second you and Paul part ways, he thinks to himself, Wow, what a great person. He respects you because you respect him, and the interaction feeds into your overall reputation in the business community.You have proven, like Ali, youre not too good for anyone - rich, poor, successful, struggling, educated, uneducated.The person youre talking to is the only one who matters. And in networking, thats all there is to it.RIP to The Greatest.